Parkour Is…

A Boy Named Sue

Johnny Cash’s song is about a boy who’s had to endure troublesome times because he’s been given a girl’s name.  I know that there are plenty of unisex names out there, but some are just too gender-specific that it seems rather odd that parents would choose to assign, say, a girl’s name to a boy and vice versa.  I was taken aback one time when I foung out that someone named “Meredith” was actually male, when I’d always thought it was a female name.

Some might be cultural.  For instance, the name “Shannon” immediately invokes a female to me, but its Irish roots actually started out male.  Another name that sounds female is “Carroll” (or “Carol”) but its old German origin actually means “man.”  In Spain, the female name “Marie” or “Maria” is sometimes added to the name “José” to give their boys’ names a reverence of both of Jesus’s parents.  Therefore, there are plenty of men in Latino culture whose names are either “José Marie” or “José Maria.”

Then, there are those names that sound or are generally male but are used for females.  “James” (or “Jaymes”) has started cropping up among females, for instance.

I know that a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, but these gender-bending names have confused me for way too long!  It’s difficult to start formal letters if you’re not sure of the recipient’s gender.  Would I dare assume that someone named Sean Davies, for instance is male and address the letter to Mr. Davies?  After all, actress Sean Young is a female with that name.  What about someone named Ashley Wright?  Should I assume that I should begin the correspondence with “Dear Ms. Wright” when Ashley is used by both genders now?

And don’t even get me started on some very inventive African American names like Lashawn or Jaedyn.

Am I alone in this quagmire?

Okay, “quagmire” is too strong of a word. But, you get my point, right?

You Know You’re Too Old When…

…you’re at an underground party with a bunch of professional extreme sports athletes and their 14-year-old girlfriends with (obviously-convincing) fake IDs, and you spend half-the-night muttering to yourself that you may be too old to be there that you find and hang out with people you believe may be your age and talk nonsensical things while imbibing on free booze and eyeing the Mountain Dew-infused doughnuts.