Understanding Women?


[1] Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

[2] Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

[3] Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

[4] Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do It.

[5] Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

[6] That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

[7] Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question, or faint; just say you’re welcome. I want to add in a clause here: This is true unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome” in this case, for that will bring on a “whatever”).

[8] Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying screw YOU!

[9] Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has asked a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Thanks to my cuz, “J”, for lending me this list. 🙂


9 Responses to “Understanding Women?”

  1. 1 Bryan July 7, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Wow this is SO dead on. You’ve finally figured out women!

  2. 2 that girl July 8, 2008 at 8:42 am

    Hilarious! My husband needs to print this out and tape it to his arm. 😀

  3. 3 rhosie July 9, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    i admit sometimes, women are like that and a bit complicated….lol

  4. 4 jonsquared July 9, 2008 at 8:57 pm

    @ Bryan – Far from it. Women can never be figured out.

    @ that girl – I feel sorry for him already. 😉

    @ rhosie – ‘a bit complicated’ has the makings of the biggest understatement of the year. 🙂

  5. 5 princess1236 July 10, 2008 at 7:36 am

    I’m a bit offended by the comment you left Rhosie. We are neither complicated nor crazy!
    I work with mostly men and they all say the same thing, “women are crazy” and that’s not true we just have more feelings. I say you should watch sex and the city more often. The ones that are hard to understand are men. You guys never tell us what’s on your mind and when you want out you either let it “fizz out” or do the disappearing act; forget to use a phone. Me bitter not at all 😉
    Just strong feelings!!!

  6. 6 jonsquared July 10, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    @ princess – i respect you and your ‘strong feelings’ 😉

  7. 7 rhosie July 11, 2008 at 6:06 pm

    oh, im sorry princess1236. i dont mean to offend you, thats is just my perception…

  8. 8 curlywurlygurly July 12, 2008 at 5:22 am

    that is HI-larious. i am guilty of employing many of those phrases during my lifetime. 🙂

  9. 9 jonsquared July 12, 2008 at 8:16 am

    @ curlywurlygurly – by saying ‘many of those phrases’ indicates that you do not employ them ALL. i sense a fib…

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