Archive for the 'Humor' Category

More Fun while doing Number One

One word: Awesome.

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The Buddha is mobile now

Pop Culture-Infused Vocabulary

I like using pop references in everyday conversation.  I’m convinced it keeps me hip and young, and makes everyone like me.  There’s nothing like a good movie or song reference used to throw people off guard and make them realize just how awesome and smart you are.  Here are some examples:

28 Days Later. I have an absurd fear of zombies.  And this particular zombie movie scares the shit out of me.  So, I think in an effort to try to address that fear, I sometimes use this movie title in conversation but as a verb.  I would say something like, “I would hate to be 28 Days Latered.”  I also use it as an adjective, to describe something infinitely frightening.  “God, that’s so fucking 28 Days Later!”

Kanye West. You’d have to have been living under a rock to not be aware of the time when Kanye West grabbed the microphone from Taylor Swift’s hand after winning MTV VMA Video of the Year in 2009, and Kanye was a-yellin’ and a-screamin’ about how it should’ve been Beyonce who won the award.  Sure the reference is a year old by now, but I still get a chuckle (or confused look) when I say things like, “Suzy just went all Kanye West on David at the meeting,” in reference to Suzy stealing David’s thunder during a presentation.

Groundhog Day.  This is one of my favorite movies of all time.  In fact, I was just watching this on my iPhone while driving up to Seattle last night.  It’s a classic.  There are so many useful sound bytes in this movie.  One of my favorites is the scene between Phil and Mrs. Lancaster on the second go-about:

Phil:  “Do you ever have deja vu, Mrs. Lancaster?”

Mrs. Lancaster:  “I don’t think so, but I could check with the kitchen.”

But anyway, whenever I feel like I’m dealing with the same shit all over again, I’d throw my arms in the air and bellow, “This is so fucking Groundhog Day!”  My cubicle neighbors unfailingly cower in fear.

Jet Li. Whenever I feel like imparting physical pain over someone because they pissed me off– or just because I feel like it– I would taunt them by saying something like, “Don’t make me go all Jet Li on you.”  Again, they would cower in fear because, since I’m Asian, they already assume I know kung fu.  I’m not about to correct them.

Living in Oregon…According to Jeff Foxworthy

THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT ‘LIVING IN OREGON’…

  • If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in Oregon.
  • If you’ve worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon.
  • If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Oregon.
  • If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon.
  • If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon.
  • If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon.
  • If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon.
  • If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon.
  • If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon.
  • If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon.
  • If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal, you live in Oregon.
  • If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon.
  • If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon.
  • If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon.
  • If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon.
  • If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon.
  • If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon.
  • If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon.
  • If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon.
  • If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon.
  • If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your OREGON friends, you live or have lived in Oregon.

In This Electronic Age…

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

NOTE:  This was not a personal experience.  I got this from a SPAM mail.  For once, it was good for something. *wink*

Why Not Just Buy Soda In Bottles?!

I do love the little girl’s reaction when her idiot of a brother bumps his unprotected can of soda and ruins her sophomoric art project. Pure joy.

Seriously. Why didn’t I come up with this invention?

This Video STILL Gives Me The Creeps…

I mean, how can she look so damned calm?!  She’s pouring salted warm water into her effin nostril!  And it’s comin’ right out of the other one!  And they’re all “Keep your mouth open” because that’s how you’re going to have to effin breathe while you’re pouring salted warm water into your goddamned nostril!